Freaks and Geeks

On Monday night I had the honor to attend a reading by the seriously twisted Chuck Palahaniuk. He was pretty entertaining, his tendency toward the macabre makes for fun, but really disgusting storytelling. (Think porn venu, jizz on the floor and someone by the name of The Taster...) But by far, the more entertaining aspect of the evening was making fun of the audience.

I have been to many, many book readings with a variety of authors such as Alice Walker, Senator John McCain and John Berendt. The audiences are usually the same: book club members, nerdy college students and little old ladies looking for free events. Such was not the case for Mr. Fight Club.

Blue hair, unwashed armpits and multiple piercings should have been requirements for attendance. Seriously, I haven't seen that many freaks in one place since the last time Nine Inch Nails came to town. These were a sub-section of freaks who had a streak of geek. You remember these guys from high school -- they seemed smart until you started really having a discussion with them and realized that the only thing they knew much about were the characters of the Star Wars series. The girls were worse.

One particular chick on the row in front of us had pants issues. Everytime she stood up, her pants fell off and we had a rich view of her ass crack. And not just a glimpse, but half-way to the chocolate starfish crack. It was very distracting.

Making fun of others happens to be one of my favorite pasttimes. Combine that with my friend Kris who also excels at this particular skill and we basically ripped the audience all night long. It was the best time I've had since I went to get my belly button re-pierced and the guy behind the counter had just pierced his tongue. (Ded you nid a nu snud?) What the fuck is a snud?

God love those idiots!