Homeland security

I sit in my living room -- lights off-- quivering in terror. I hear the phone ringing again and I know it's him.

I dread the sound of his voice on my answering machine, but there it is, chilling me to the bone with his intonation. He wheedles and begs me to do as he asks. But I cannot.

I have tried to dispel this attraction -- to end his fascination. Still he calls. Still he pleads. I fear for my safety in my own home. And if I get one more, just one more call, I may go insane. For how many times can Newt Gingrich call my house before he realizes I'm a fucking DEMOCRAT!

Seriously, eight voicemails yesterday from assholes wanting my vote. Are you kidding me? The Department of Homeland Security can listen to my phone calls anytime they want if I utter the words "bomb" "Allah" or "Bush is a dumbass" but they cannot prevent my systematic stalking by Newt Gingrich.

I believe this is a new kind of terror -- terror for the contentious voting era -- telephone manipulation.

Didn't George Orwell predict this?