A plague on both your houses

I curse the foul and evil day that I ever heard the words, "The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl."

Seriously, this may be one of the stupidest movies ever made. Even worse, dear brother-in-law, than our beloved "High School Musical." (Only 9 more days until "High School Musical 2." Get your head in the game!)

And of course, the ball of fire loves it.

But my mild annoyance went to brain-exploding horror when I noticed at the closing credits that this giant piece of shit was directed by Robert Rodriguez. Hello... I said, Robert. Rodriguez. The director who most recently did a funky little B-movie double feature called "Grindhouse" with the master of gore, Quentin Tarentino. The same director who brought Frank Miller's graphic novel, "Sin City" to life. The very Rodriguez who also directed one of my personal favorites, "Desperado."

As an aside, "Desperado" sealed my fate as a lover of both Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas. If I were to ever have the three-some of my dreams, they would be on the bed, beckoning me into latino passion. This movie also has an amazing soundtrack, featuring Los Lobos , Carlos Santana and Tito & Tarantula. And it includes a song written by Slash from Guns N' Roses, who apparently -- like myself -- has a weakness for that incredibly sensual latin guitar.

It's not that I expect directors like Rodriguez to avoid certain generes, such as children's movies, it's just that I expect his movies to be a step above everyone else's. Is that a double standard? Yes, absolutely. Do I feel guilty about that? Not in the least...