Last night we heard the good news that my newest sister-in-law is expecting. This is her first baby, which is always exciting. And it relieves some of the pressure and concern on when my egg cycle will bloom again.
Truthfully, I've been hearing the steady tick of my body's clock for a while now. Baby, baby, baby beats in my brain. I would have another baby tomorrow if I could pick one up at the store. It's the pregnancy hurdle that stalls my wish.
The hubby and I discussed it again this weekend. We both know that I am not one of "those women." The women who pop out babies every two years, who "try" to get pregnant. I, on the other hand, am an accidental pregnancy waiting to happen.
I remember the joys of pregnancy -- the first whisper of a wiggle, a belly swelled tight, round and pearlescent as a gibbous moon, the kicks, cravings and constant need to pee.
I also distincly remember the trials -- a ridiculous labor that ended with an incubation bed meant for a nascent premie and not my nine-pound boy. The vast feeling of failing the one I loved most in the world settling like a tombstone on my chest.
Every pregnancy is different. I've heard it 100 times. But this body remains the same. It didn't handle it well before, will it be better the second time? This winter I will mark the dreaded 35 -- a high-risk pregnancy. A mature, older woman pregnancy. Extra cause to worry.
I cannot wait to watch my sister-in-law bloom with baby, and even more the opportunity to snuffle a new downy head.
But in the back of my concious, I wonder when it will be my new downy head that I snuggle next.
3 comments:
I'm right there with you girl!! It took a lot of coaxing for me to even think about having baby #2. I was content with the fact that I got pregnant (by accident) the first time. When he was 5 and an only child, he was bottle broken, potty trained, (at that time) out of a car seat, and self-sufficient to get himself dressed and bathed. The thought of having another baby and to start all over was horrifying for me. However after many hours of discussion (and begging), I gave in. Although, I wouldn't give up #2 for anything, I think back and I could be an 'empty-nester' in 3 more years and now I have to wait another 9 years.
There are always ups and downs and pros and cons to every decision that we have to make. This is going to be one of the hardest that you have to make at this time in your life. I wish you a lot of luck and offer an ear if you ever need someone to talk to.
I am having a hard time trying to decide if I want another baby. My little one is only 15 months old but I have been missing that little newborn with all the cute gurgling noises and endless snuggle time. I am going to give myself a year to decide and if we decide yes...we just may be preggers this time next year!
Now...I am just hanging this out there for ya....you could give yourself a little time to think about it and we could be preggers at the same time.... that would be so great!
Nothing beats the smell of baby's head and don't worry too much about the age thing, 35 is the new 25.
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