Lately I’ve had a problem. I have had a series of some of the most severe anxiety attacks of my life. I’ve been anxious before about a job, test, confrontation, etc. Usually I’ll have a high-anxiety moment and then I’ll get a grip. Of late, that grip is elusive.
Most of my anxiety seems to revolve around my health.
Last week I was sure I had a kidney infection that was quickly spiraling into renal failure. Over the weekend I was convinced that I had an ectopic pregnancy. I’m still not 100% sure that’s not a problem. Herpes, HIV, colitis, irritable bowl syndrome, COPD: I’ve got it.
Last Tuesday I suffered a panic attack because I just couldn't breathe. I was sitting at my desk at work trying to take deep breathes but nothing doing. I stood up, and tried again. Every time I felt restricted. I put my hands on my ribs ... and noticed that I failed to pull my skirt all the way down the last time I used the restroom. Deep breath achieved.
Now while this may seem humorous, it is not. I have very real symptoms with these attacks. I have trouble breathing, I can’t stand or sit. My left arm tingles and my back spasms. These are really major panic attacks. Once they subside, I usually have an emotional dump that leaves me in tears, shaking and exhausted.
The stress on the body leaves physical problems behind including skin bumps, fever blisters, itches, upset stomach and a loss of appetitie. All of those things cause me to panic further about my health.
I seem to be stuck in a downward spiral that no one -- including myself -- knows how to break.
This is one instance where my lust for information has been a detriment. Researching the symptoms of this malady or another usually leads to cancer, AIDS or some other life-ending, body-invading illness. Of course, my logical mind reasons that my chances of having any of these killers is so slim, it's not worth the worry. But worry seems to be exactly my problem.
And when it comes to worry, apparently I perform in my usual manner: balls to the wall.
I expect to be institutionalized by the end of the week. I'll give you the address so you can send me soduku books and paperback Danielle Steele novels.
9 comments:
I have been there, girl. And it is a terrible almost indescribable feeling (though you came close with this one). Maybe the crazy runs in the family...hang in there. I'm thinking about you.
Cousin Dana
Totally understand about the internets... I have had 3 miscarriages this summer/fall, reading about the woman who had 12 before they adopted didn't help me at all...
Sorry I don't have any other advise to give other than to take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place.
get a script for clonazepam.
Hey, I'm not sure if you wrote this in a moment of panic (ha!) and are just venting - or if you truly are feeling this malaise. If you are, you need to get some help - it sucks suffering anxiety and there's no need to - it's a RX away from feeling sane again.
Best wishes to you!
Unfortunately, I'm very serious about these attacks. I'm hoping to a) see my shrink today or tomorrow and b) get a nice calming script for something.
And yes, Dana my love, crazy absolutely runs in our family. You forget all those times my dad swore he had cancer of the hair.
If the clonazepam doesn't work, this might https://www.tworivershospital.com/indexnew.htm
Ken, I'm giving you the finger, just so you know.
I know how you feel. I've been having the same symptoms lately myself. I have it narrowed down to a) too much estrogen working in the same building at one time, b) crazy co-worker bitches need to keep their mouths shut, or c) too much going on in my life to keep up with.
I'm still not sure which it is, but I'm blaming it on the crazy bitches at work just so I can comfort myself and still think that I am sane enough to be a functioning citizen. hehe
I had a panic attach today because I bit into a brownie at the church fall festival that had nuts in it. I start freaking about nut allergies. What if I instantaneously contracted a nut allergy at that very moment and suffered anaphylactic shock and died right there in the church basement. I was freaking...needed some cold water...checked my pulse inconspicuously over and over...then I was ready to go home.
So yes...crazy runs in the family.
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