Whenever I tell people I have celiac disease, I hear one common statement, "Oh, I could never give up bread. I love bread!!" (Insert pasta for bread if you prefer.)
Yes, you could. In fact, you would be thankful, on your knees praying to the goddess of skinny jeans, for finally figuring out why your body hates you.
I had no problems with switching my diet. It was worth it to lose the ulcer, irritable bowels, achy joints and the unexplained skin bumps on the back of my arm. Knowing that one donut would cause me days of cramps, bloating and the inability to leave the house for more than 20 minutes is more than enough encouragement to skip the glaze.
What I do miss is dinner out. I love to eat in restaurants, especially pan asian. For those of you who have known me for a while, you understand the loss I've felt when I realized that crab rangoon was no longer an option. My moaning could be heard for days.
Fortunately, over the past eight months, I've slowly figured out how to work the system. I know which restaurants have decent food that I can eat. I can order a sandwhich and pull the bun off -- and the top layer of lettuce -- and still have a nice lunch.
Last night, we were rushing to church and took a quick stop at Burger King. Before celiac, Burger King was the only fast food place I allowed. After celiac, well we still don't eat fast food.
Whopper with cheese, no onions, no mustard. I stripped the bun and sliced it up in the perfect little bites. It took 20 minutes before I knew that I had made an error.
Sometimes gluten hides in other foods that you don't consider wheat-based, including mayonnaise. It's used as a thickner to bulk up a usually runny product.
So here I was stuck in a room with 16 4th-6th graders practicing Christmas music. It always starts as a sharp pain on my left side, right under my ribs ... the former home of my much-maligned ulcer.
From there it rolls down the side and swells into jean busting bloat. Do you see where this is headed?
Luckily I made it home before final meltdown, but just barely. I've only had one incident where I was forced to explode in a public restroom, which I avoid at all costs.
Crapping my pants in front of a room full of kids? Oh God. That's just middle school all over again!
4 comments:
Wow Michele, I didn't know you were celiac. did you know that Waldo Pizza has a gluton free crust?
Yes! I love Waldo Pizza. Although I do miss the St. Louis style crust. The gluten free crust is much thicker.
I don't remember poopy pants in Middle School. However, I do remember big ole Jimmy Sachs losing breakfast and lunch in a river between Ms. Wiederdog's room and the boys bathroom. Ahh, nasty middle school memories...
BTW, I left you a message. Call me back. I ran into an interesting person from the past. You may (or may not) want to know anything about him...
I don't know that I have celiac but I do have IBS and today after 5 days of no #2 I finally had my #2 opportunity. My son decided he wanted Mom to read him a book while on the pot working on #2. I did not give in until he was kicking and screaming and banging his head on the tile floor (all while I am having my long awaited #2) I gave in and put him on my lap (while having #2) and read "The Nose Book" (while having my #2). NICE!
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