Sometimes, it doesn't pay to tell your friends that you are having mental issues. I base this theory on a text I received late last night, reprinted here for the world to share in my suffering...
Heard on the news someone checked into a psych ward wearing a thong and riding a goat. I'll come get you but THIS IS THE LAST TIME!
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Venegence is mine, sayeth the blogger
I have had a pretty good Christmas season. Whether it's the zoloft or my new outlook on life, it's been fairly smooth sailing. I had one major tantrum when my Dyson (the indestructible vacuum, my ass) stopped working, but even that I pulled myself through.
So imagine my surprise, shock and utter dismay when my so-called "friends" delivered an ugly Christmas sweater right to my front door. 
You are freaking kidding me!! It's one of the worst ones I've ever seen. It's overflowing with gross glitter and beads and check out that zipper!!
Oh sure, there was a nice note about how I protested too much, and therefore they assumed I was secretly yearing for this sweater.
But little does she know that retribution is sweet and my love and admiration will be speeding to her door.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Good friends are like urine ...
A good friend of mine sent me this e-mail recently and I thought it was hilarious. She is a very good friend. I know because she went with me to buy a vibrator.
My pledge as your friend...
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must beinvolved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
My pledge as your friend...
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must beinvolved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
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