Bourbon dipped binky

I have come to realize that my new career is a lot more physically demanding than the previous. Running after anyone, especially a toddler, will test the limits of endurance for any slightly overweight, 30-something, former cube dweller.

I rely on that 2-hour respite known as the magic nap to regroup, pick up and lay down on the couch with a cool cloth over my eyes.

However, for the past two days, the ball of fire refuses his nap. He lays in his bed, singing at the top of his lungs (today it was happy birthday) and eventually starts yelling for me to retrieve him.

Normally he is a great napper. He can't make it past 1 p.m. before he starts to droop and lay on the floor asking for his blanket. Without the nap, he becomes maniacle by 6:30, running around the house and trying to karate chop the cat.

It's starting to make me crazy and in my craziness, I'm contemplating all the ways I can get him to sleep today. Benedryl by 11? Running laps around the yard? Warm milk? I've actually tried all of these things already. Nothing will knock this kid out.

I'm starting to think of that old toothache remedy my granny wanted me to try when he was a baby -- dipping his binky in a mixture of bourbon and honey. I never had the nerve to mix baby and alchohol, but in my exhausted stupor, it's becoming more logical. Now if I could just figure out what I did with those old binkies.

But more importantly, since he's not napping, I cannot continue my research about adult anime porn. And Lord knows, that just has to be done.