Humble pie

For somone in a creative profession, I have a very Type A personality. I drive myself professionally to compete with everyone I work with -- even the ones I like. I work longer, try harder and mentally berate myself if I don't have a better-than-average review.

This personality also likes to win. Very rarely do I not get something I want. The local Honda dealer can attest to this fact. I can think of one instance where this is not true, and it involves a guy, so we won't get into it.

I'm also single-minded about things I don't want. If I don't want to do something, I just won't do it. I know that sounds ridiculous, but ask my husband. It's better to let it go, than try and make me do anything I don't care to do.

Being a stay-at-home mother challenges every aspect of my personality. I will have a clean house, I will have nice dinners, I will have a well-mannered, POTTY trained child who creates brilliant art and reads at an early age. And then you have reality.

There is no win or lose in the parenting game. It's all a draw. The house is clean -- except for the giant stain on the couch. Dinner is nice -- if you like takeout. My son's art is lovely -- until he goes to bed then I pitch it.

And then there is potty training.

This week, my son has decided that pooping in his pants is best kept secret and he's started to hide when he feels the urge. He won't even tell me after he's gone. He only confesses after I notice a smell, or the funny way he walks. He loses privileges, specifically going outside, when he poops in his pants. But that seems to have no effect.

Today, after a particularly large load, I was so frustrated and angry I had to go down to the laundry room where I cussed, kick the washer and finally just cried.

As I was sitting on the floor with my face in my hands, I had single moment of clarity. A instantaneous realization that put things so into perspective, I was startled by vision. I realized that my son had so many of the characteristics that I value: a strong opinion, ability to make up his own mind, keeps to his convictions, motivated to the point of insanity.

Also in that moment, I closed my eyes and thanked God for my smart, healthy and happy little boy. It's amazing how you can turn tears of frustration into tears of thankfulness. For me, it apparently takes a load of shit.