Listen up

Part of my massage therapy training includes various short classes on ethics, ettiquete and business communications.

On Thursday we started the communications portion. I have a hard time sitting quietly during this class because I've either read, written or spoken about clear, professional communication. In fact, I wrote a magazine article about it as recently as last month. It's a subject I know well.

For massage, communications come into play when meeting and greeting clients. Building rapport, establishing a professional atmosphere , setting clients at ease, instilling trust in your experience and expertise -- all of that is shared through your communications style.

One of the class assignments was to create a journal recording your listening skills. I, of course, assumed this would be a snap.

Obviously I'm a superior listener. I'm a writer for crying out loud, my job is listening to people ramble and then turn that rambling into a beautifully written piece of literature.

I was suprised to learn that my listening habits are terrible. I space out when I'm on the phone with my mom. (Sorry mom, it happens only now and then.) I randomly listen to the ball of fire. Usually crying is the one thing that snaps my attention back to him.

But the worst is my listening habits when the hubby is concerned. I noticed that I listen for criticism. Not that I notice criticism, I actively listen for it. And, ironically, I find it.

For example, I painted some very generic, abstract paintings for the living room wall of nothingness. Seriously, I can't find anything I like for this wall. And it's huge ... and blank .... and did I mention huge? I asked his opinion, which was ambivilent at best. I know from experience that he needs to adjust his opinion over time. He hardly ever likes something immediately. He grows with it, soaks it in. Still, when he hemed and hawed over my artwork, I immediately assumed he hated it. And my response went a little something like this. "I don't know why I even bother to ask you. What do we agree on anyway?"

Wow! "Hi there Ms. Bitch, when did you get here?"

Afterward I thought about the various interactions we had throughout the weekend and I can count at least four times where I listened for, and found critical comments from him. Now I wonder how much of that was accurate or perceived. And, is it possible to change that habit after 10 years of cultivating it.

I'm afraid we're turning into Edith and Archie Bunker, and soon he'll be spouting shit like, "A woman should cleave into her husband. Right here in this house is where Edith's cleavage belongs."

I'll be listening for that one!