Relations

This weekend, the hubby, ball of fire and I attended my family's annual Family Fun Fourth! Yes, it was delayed by a weekend, but the fun, family and frivolity were still on hand to be enjoyed.

My family is ... different. We've been having this party for as long as I can remember and every year, it gets a little more weird. Fun weird. But still, weird.

I am th eldest of 15 grandchildren and for the longest time, I was the only grandchild, so I have a very unique relationship with my aunts and uncles. I have conversations with them that most people do not have with their aunts and uncles -- ever.

We are what you might call a story telling family. We don't usually just describe something, it's told with drama and flair. Luckily I had a great story about an odd happenstance at the gas station. I practiced the whole story in my head so I was primed and ready to share.

Me: So I was at the gas station the other day, and..

Uncle M: What were you wearing?

Me: Work clothes.

Uncle M: A g-string?

Me: No, it was work panties.

Uncle M: Oh, so a thong then. And short shorts? And just a bra?

Me: Sure, why not.

Brother-in-law: I need to get a job at your company.

Me: So I'm at the gas station ... apparently in short shorts, a thong and my bra ... when I notice gas just pouring out of the guy's car next to me.

Uncle M: Boobies!

Me: What?

Uncle M: It's because you were only wearing a bra and he couldn't stop looking at your boobies.

Aunt J: Why were you only wearing your bra?

Me: I wasn't, that's Uncle M's addition to the story. I was dressed in work clothes. Does anyone care that I'm telling a story about a near-death experience?

Uncle M: Yes, of course we care. Please finish telling us about your boobies.

Me: It was gas. All over the ground. I assumed I would die.

Uncle M: Shaved pussy!!

Me: Shaved pussy? That's not the matter at hand.

Uncle M: No, that's the matter at tongue.

Me: I've got nothing on that.

Uncle M: Talk to your Aunt later. She can give you some tips.

Seriously.