Understanding

He: What in the world are you watching?

Me: Nothing. Be quiet, I can't hear!

He: You don't actually like this show, do you?

Me: Yes. I can't explain it but I've had a thing for Scott Baio since I was a kid.

He: That doesn't mean you should watch bad reality TV.

Me: (Sigh) You just don't get it. Scott Baio has probably influenced my choice in sexual partners for years.

He: WHAT! That makes no sense.

Me: (Pausing the TV) I had a crush on Scott Baio when he was Chachi. And then he was in Charles in Charge about the time I started to really get into boys. Still with me?

He: Barely, but yes.

Me: So I had some major sex dreams about him being MY live-in babysitter. Can you just imagine the possibilities for illicit sexual encounters when your babysitter is as fucking hot as Scott Baio?

He: Ok, I see that part. But what about influence your future sexual partners?

Me: Think about it: Every man I have ever truly, deeply loved -- including yourself -- has dark hair, dark eyes and is kinda dorky in a cute but still sexually charged way.

He: That still really doesn't make sense.

Me: That's because you'll never understand the delicate psyche of the pre-pubescent girl mind, which just sets you up to fail for the rest of your life at understanding women. It's ok. You can't help it.

Now please, shut up, Scott is talking.