By way of a public service announcement

I tend to over share. You may have noticed. I sometimes think my life is one giant melodious screw up… if it’s not one thing, it’s another.

And then sometimes I seem to go out of my way to make it a mess. Take for example, my recent fun-filled joy ride with yogurt.

Before I tell this story, I will apologize. It will be thinly veiled references to my lady parts. If you can’t handle that much intimacy, please stop reading now. Which should leave my sister, a few lovely cousins and my girl, DG.

I believe in the power of a good diet. I eat lots of soft ripe fruits and veg. I drink lots of water and I chew gum like there is no tomorrow. Each has their own benefits in my mental inventory of good vs. bad in the body wars.

One shining star is yogurt. Good bacteria, tastes good, nice bump of sugar without all the negatives. And sometimes, when I feel less than fancy, I use yogurt for other purposes.

Recently, I had a not-so-fancy feeling so I decided to apply the yogurt method. I will insert a personal note here: Has worked in the past to ward off further un-fancy problems! This is not untested ground.

But I digress.

Here is where my problems began. I did not have plain, but rather strawberry yogurt. I was in a hurry. I made a snap decision.

Oh. Good. God.

Turns out the extra sugar will actually GROW other bacteria at a quicker rate. Less-than-fancy as suddenly turned into itching-inappropriate-places-while-in-public.

So I turned to the patented, USDA-approved, over-the-counter helpmates.

Further aggravation ensues.

Finally I turn to my last resort, Dr. Stirrups.

Now my doc has a great sense of humor. He also has a loud voice and likes to laugh at me. I told him my little home remedy problems and he … well, he howled, he laughed so hard.

Then he took a peek, and solemnly looked up at me and said, “I’m sorry, but you have actually have the most advanced case of herpes I’ve ever seen.”

To which I replied, WHAT THE FUUU…!”

He laughed, slapped my knee and said, “I’m just kidding ya.”

I tried to kick him, but Dr. Stirrups is sly and uses a nice little toe strap. He has obviously been kicked before.

With prescription in hand and a stern lecture on the values of the pill form for Lactobacillus acidophilus, I turned to leave the office, I looked back and said, “Surely this isn’t the strangest thing you’ve heard in all your years.”

With a straight face, he replied. “No, it’s not. But I’ll never be able to eat strawberry yogurt again without thinking of you.”

Great.