Scar tissue

I am not one to bemoan my fate. I posted on this blog about my recent surgeries and did my best to make light of the issues. But truth be told, I am having a hard time with it.

Last week's hives were the harebinger of apparently more hives, a swollen tongue and the promise that it "usually gets worse before it gets better." I was issued the hospital safety standard, the epipen and told to stick in my thigh when I felt my throat close. I've been feeling it close every day since.

Hives are problematic by themselves, but trying to find the cause for them has become a chase for a hidden monster in the dark with no flashlight. Anything and everything can cause hives, except water. So that's about my diet at this point. Water. And apples. And the occassional bannana when the ball of fire will let me have one.

I am the first to admit I'm a control freak. Everything in my life is controled to some degree -- even if I've simply convinced myself it's controled. The lack of control, or the feeling that something else is controlling me, is eating me alive.

There are blood tests to try, simplified diets to follow and waiting. Until then, the most common answer is that my body has just undergone too much stress in too short of a time. Apparently, I need to stop telling my body it's better and let it actually decide on its own. I had to give up my glorious trip to Rome, which I was sure would cure me of all my ills.

In the meantime, it's pedialyte popsicles and more time with my mom -- who just so happens to have extensive training using an epipen.

Doctor, doctor

My mom is staying with us this week to help around the house, as I cannot lift anything over 15 pounds. Currently, my cat weighs 17, the ball of fire is 45, and the hubby tags in at 175, so basically I'm screwed.

Apparently the mommy guilt never really ends because she saw my scars and immediately bought me a new pair of shoes. I have lusted after this particular pair before, so imagine my joy when they showed up at the house today!

Yes, I am a mama's girl. Do you feel the need to get in my face about it?

Alright, so I'm still in kind of a bad mood. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, especially in my new shoes.