Little hurts lead to big journals

I was scrounging in my room this morning for a notebook to take to work. I like them spiral bound and with some funky art on the cover. No ordinary notebook for the notebook snob! I came across one, tossed it in my bag and bustled the ball of fire out the door.

When I arrived at my desk, I flipped it open, and read. I had started this notebook as a journal. One that was from a difficult time in the past year. A journal chronicling all the little hurts that caused me to make big changes. One entry in particular was very powerful to me. Finding self-worth is a life-long journey, and one that I am really just beginning. Seeing this entry, and knowing how far I've come, made me feel pretty good.

Better Than...

Do you remember the day you told me you were better than me?

My self-worth cringed at your words, coalescing into a mush in my hole-bitten heart. My loneliness yawned into the future, the way light cannot escape a black hole.

Do you remember that day?

I opened my ears to your criticism. I swallowed my pride to your insults. I accepted your condemnation as truth.

And then I stopped.

I am a better parent, a better lover, friend and family member. Better planner, designer, decorator and artist. Writer, speller, cleaner or budgeter. Better in all areas but one.

And you know it. And you remind me.

Because you can't feel big without making me feel small.

And at that, you are the best.