Today we had a friendly visit from the termite inspector as well as the ant-sprayer. Both of these fine up-standing pest preventers worked for the same company but apparently one guy couldn't do both. I dare not delve into the mystic world of pest control without a proper license, so I'll just assume that it really does take two guys to do this stuff.
We are termite free, yet again. Both of our neighbors have had squirmy visitors in the last few years so we're always a tad worried.
Ants, now that's a different story. Our ants are so industrious and so advanced they have actually grown wings and fly into the house instead of finding holes in our siding like other people's ants. They eat whole fruit versus one or two behind-the-fridge crumbs as their less adept brothers. Our ant guy was here for half an hour spraying in and around the house. As usual, he chewed my ass about all the mulch we use to pretty up the flower beds and reminded me to keep the counters and floors clean. (Asshole doesn't know I'm an anal retentive neat freak, but I let the moment pass without comment.)
But he really pissed me off when he was spraying in my bedroom. He opened the door to one of my closets and actually let out a sheesh noise and muttered about the amount of shoes I own. Hello! Jim Bob! Mind your bidness and spray for ants. Comments on shoe ownership is not included in the pest control handbook!
I was really kinda ticked about it, but since he was a bulging hulk of a man (in a blue leisure suit... 5 points if you can name that movie) I let it go again.
Luckily my friend Kris recently sent me a highly entertaining Web site filled with fun facts about Chuck Norris which helped me out of funk. He's on my list of actors I hate, along with Ryan Seacrest and all of the Arquette family. Still, check out the random facts, it's freaking hilarious and yet highly educational.
For example, I did not know that "70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick."
Or tthat "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate."
You'll be amazed at what you learn.
3 comments:
The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
Post a Comment