Saturday, June 24, 2006

A study of female nature

I like to consider myself a student of the human condition. I observe other people on a daily basis. Usually I turn those observations into a fun post on this creative outlet. But sometimes it just scares the shit out of me.

On Friday, I visited my mother-in-law's house to enjoy a spa party. My sister-in-law is a consultant for a company that sells spa and make-up products. The experience was fabulous and I love the products. But the company was very interesting.

My mom-in-law is in her late 50s and most of her friends are the same age or older. These woman are falling to pieces!

One lady -- who was half-way to baldome -- walked in late because of a doctor's visit. She was sure to make the rounds with her bruised inner arm where she had "SEVERAL" blood samples taken. For what? She didn't say. Let's hope it wasn't communicable.

Cataracts, swollen ankles, smashed fingers, smashed toes, infections, joint pain, watery eyes, droopy skin ... they discussed every known ailment to mankind during an hour of skin softening and relaxation.

During one point -- with the cucumber-infused eyepads on our eyes, the crusty-skin softening gel on our feet and the heated neck cozy on our necks -- my sister-in-law walked around the room with a soothing, vibrating scalp massager. When she stopped at my chair, I gave a yelp when she placed it on my head, and announced to the room, "I didn't know there would be vibrating today!"

Not one of those old broads laughed. Next time, I'll stick to the discussion about stretch marks and incontence.

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